Eight bullshit articles for women to avoid

Oh internet, you continue to spew forth your infinite wisdom to us women – how would we live without your sage advice? Usually I read, rage, regret and then forget articles like this. But today, I respond too. For your reading pleasure: eight bullshit articles for women to avoid.

1) ‘Can women have it all?’ 
What is ‘all’ and who is this general mass called ‘women’? What is life? What is happiness? What decade is this? Shall we ponder these existential questions, or shall we just roll our eyes at your trite, inane and unoriginal article?

2) ‘Procreation & Sex: you’re not doing it enough/you’re doing it too much/you’re doing it wrong’
Here’s a hint: how women use or don’t use their reproductive and sexual organs is none of your business.

3) ‘Are you 30/40/50? It’s too late ladies, give up!’
Go hide in a cave and protect humanity from the horror of your ageing body – how dare you take up space by continuing to exist, women?

4) ‘Is feminism women’s worst enemy?’
Short answer: no. MOVE ON JOURNALISTS.

5) ‘Your personality: you’re doing it wrong. Change it to attract more men’
Sigh. Weep. Repeat.

6) ‘Are you sad/stressed/overwhelmed/underpaid at work? Congratulations, it’s all your fault!’
There’s no such thing as society, or structural and institutional inequality. If you’re unhappy, fix yourself silly woman and stop complaining about wage disparity and other insignificant problems.

7) ‘Drunk ladies in mini-skirts: they’re asking for it’
If by ‘it’ you mean ‘to be treated like human beings’, then by all means, make your point. Everything else ‘it’ implies falls into the category of: you don’t get to dehumanise another human being, you slut-shaming assholes who profit from other people’s pain by writing click-baiting crap.

8) ‘Here’s a list that puts you in pigeonholes’
Because women aren’t people, they’re ‘types’.

*Bonus extra for slow news weeks/we’re-desperate-to-manufacture-news days*  
‘What women want’
Magically, some journalists have interviewed every single woman on earth to find out that they all want the same things. Isn’t that just amazing?

I’m sure this has not been enlightening – just like 90% of the articles for women out there aren’t. They aren’t even scraping the bottom of the barrel; they’re the turd upon which the barrel is gleefully flung. Please, make it stop.