I was digging around for an appropriate image for another post I planned to blog today, and then I stopped myself. I realised how utterly ridiculous it was to be searching for an image for such a post on a day (or, let's face it, a week) I just don't feel like blogging. I asked myself: are you doing this because you want to, or because you somehow feel it's necessary to make the post pleasing and pretty to look at for the people who will definitely not read the text? Who exactly am I appeasing here?
Blogging is a such a strange thing sometimes. I think that 90% of the time, it's a positive thing. If it weren't for my blog, my creative side would probably not get as much of an opportunity to express itself. And equally, 90% of the comments and emails I get are positive, uplifting and humbling. But there is that 10% and unfortunately, for a sensitive person like myself, that 10% can dominate when I'm just having a bad week.
I don't feel like blogging this week. I don't feel like responding to comments or emails and pretending everything is okay. I don't feel like appeasing people who come over to my blog just to get attention for their own blogs, who don't read a word of what I write, or who just like to use it as a repository for images. I'm not judging anyone, honestly, I'm not. I understand the pressures of busy work and home lives, and that most people just don't have time to engage with blogs and websites in a different manner. But I'm busy too, I have hard days and weeks too, and I think it's silly to pretend otherwise.
So many of us try to ignore the unpleasant side of life when blogging. It's often a matter of 'look how pretty my home is', 'look at what I made', or in my case, 'look what I wrote'. And life appears to be fine and dandy. And it may be fine and dandy that particular day, but the next day I could be feeling completely demoralised, beaten down by real life. So I don't blog that day. I don't think this is necessarily dishonest, but more of a case of trying not to turn a creative space and a creative outlet into a form of therapy instead. I have no interest in doing that. But the reason I'm writing this post on a day I don't even want to browse other blogs or think about blogging is because I think I have unwittingly contributed to this idea that blogging should be about a perfected life, always showing your happy and 'successful' side only.
So this post is to say, bear with me, and it's okay to show your tired, stressed and worried side too.